Why Moving On is Hard Work…

…unless you don’t want to do it.

But I’ve committed myself to let sleeping dogs lie, so I’m going to move on.

I’m going to experience life and see what it has to offer. Apart from people, there has got to be a lot of other things to discover, like the laws of nature and explanations to strange natural phenomenon. That’s why I sometimes wonder if I should have stuck to science in my college years. It might have put me on a path to a better understanding of the universe.

Science has a way of whetting your intellectual appetite. That’s not to say that the humanities haven’t, since they are both fields that question the human condition. The best thing about being a writer is that I’m free to explore both domains. Intellectually think I straddle the middle line where the Arts, the Sciences and the Humanities merge, so I can know all there is to know.

I used to think that there was nothing else to know in the universe except that God is. But that isn’t what most of the world believes. There are so many people convinced that there is no God. That’s astounding. Nature speaks God’s name! And if you look at the birds of the field and trees of the ground there is a tremendous lesson to learn from them.

Trees, when cut, don’t give up their ghost and die. They bide their time and start to grow again. A neighbour of mine chopped down his mango tree. A cuckoo bird used to sit in that tree and call out. I wonder where that bird has gone now.

I’m waiting for the tree to put out new shoots again. Nature gives itself time to heal, and then it bounces back as though nothing had ever happened. We should learn from that. Any unnatural clinging onto the past for too long is the surest way to die spiritually.

Give yourself time to heal, then slowly begin to move on.

Start with a day.

I’ve spent endless days staring into space, too scared about the future, frightened that I was unemployable, wondering what would happen to me if my parents died, wondering who would take care of me. And at the back of my mind I was convinced that I didn’t want to live. I just wanted to exist like a wraith, too angry at God to move on, too angry with the world for being a less than ideal place in which to exist.

But I’ve decided not to live this way in 2021. I’m going to do something with my life. I’m going to stand up for what I believe in. There is no need to live the way I used to, in a half-life or a dream. There’s no need to exist just for the sake of not dying.

How am I going to do that?

I’m going to explore all that life has to offer.

Being really interested in making money, I’ve come with up some financial goals for myself. I want to buy my own house by the time I’m forty. Since I enjoy decorating, I’ve come up different themes and ideas for how I’d like to arrange my space. To achieve this dream I’m going to save all my salary (which isn’t much), and I can do this, because I don’t pay for my living expenses.

I haven’t got plenty of other dreams in my head. Wish I did.

Everyone tells me God has “plans to make you prosper and not harm you”. But I wonder what those plans are, and how they come to pass. I have no way of knowing if something is God’s plan or just mine. How are Christians, who claim to have a relationship with God, know what God has meant for them?

I find this aspect of Christianity highly confusing. As a person who relied a lot on the voice within to guide me, I now rely on my own thinking. I’ve decided that since, I can’t find God to know His will for me, I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do, and if God wants me to something, or not do something, He can find a way to tell me.

Sounds fair?